I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize