we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
