tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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