I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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