i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think i scared a bird with my dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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