She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
