i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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