No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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