So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize