I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
