i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
