I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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