I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
