Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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