I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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