Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
