Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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