i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
