Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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