Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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