There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
