It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
