The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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