Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize