We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
