Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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