I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
