We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize