i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
