Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
