my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
