Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
