I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
