I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
