How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
