Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
