He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
