Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize