his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
