Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
