My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
