You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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