What a fucking waste of an outfit
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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