I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Shame - the story of my life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize