In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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