I can't breathe out the right side of my face
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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