My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
