I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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