my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
