You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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