what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
