Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
