We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
