My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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