im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
