Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
