My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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