my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
