i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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