So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had to cum in my sink.
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