Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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