I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
