this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
