its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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