Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm passing your future prison.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
