I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
