If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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