We're facebook friends in real life
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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