i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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