For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
