i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my phone needs a breathalizer
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
